Spoken Black Girl Issue 5: Motherhood - La Isla Bonita
My daughter Amanda told me it was a dream of hers to travel with me. As a young child, she longed to go with me to the various international destinations that I traveled with either her dad or my best friend Lisa. Seeing the pictures in our family albums was not enough for her – way too ordinary. She wanted to see the extraordinary, the exotic, the beautiful…a place like San Pedro with her mom.
Madonna sings…
Last night I dreamt of San Pedro
Just like I'd never gone..
I have a timeshare that I trade for other locations all over the world. The base is Vail, Eagle County, Colorado. Though it is beautiful in Vail with its mountain scenery anytime of the year, I hardly visit that location. I have traded to visit Vina Del Mar, Chile; Lijiang, China, Buenos Aires, Argentina; Mazatlán, Mexico; Cobo San Lucas, Mexico (many visits), Calgary, Canada; Antigua, Ecuador; Quito, Peru; and the country Antigua. I also traded domestically for Las Vegas, Nevada; Brian Head, Utah; and other parts of Colorado (Breckinridge and Glenwood Springs), hanging out with my grown children. When my children were younger and traveled with us when my ex and I traded for the Fairmont, Montana; Lake Tahoe and Lake Havasu, Arizona; and Palm Desert, California.
This trip would be different though. First, I will be traveling with my daughter internationally, just as she always wished. We traded for Belize, one of the few countries that is allowing tourism seventeen months after the pandemic shut down the world and just as the Delta variant was starting to kick up its heels. Amanda and I would celebrate her 33rd birthday in San Pedro aka Isla Bonita aka Ambergris Caye. Madonna chants…
Tropical the island breeze
All of nature wild and free
This is where I long to be
La isla bonita…
The prop plane with Tropic Air to San Pedro was not as cheap as I thought it would be, but we went ahead and bought our round-trip flights. We flew over the crystal-clear waters, as the pilot pointed out the Barrier Reef. Two White guys were discussing their careers and how much one of them loved working in Denver. As we were flying over San Pedro, one of them blurted out, “Third World.” When I travel, I try not to judge how people live, especially considering the various political influences that contribute to “wealth.” My impression was that the average person might not live like I do but did that make them poor? Does the United States not have areas that would be considered “third world” by its own standards? Why are these guys even here? Oh, that’s right – to vacation…to see one of the wonders of the world…to not lift a finger to cook or clean…to have fun…explore…relax but unlike my daughter and me…to judge.
The driver from Captain Morgan’s resort was there ready and waiting with a van. We picked up our bag from the little wheeled in cart and started on our adventure. The words from the guys on the plane were ringing through my head as we drove to the resort.
Captain Morgan’s is not five-star, but the thatched roof two-story villas facing the Caribbean Sea were like something out of a travel magazine. I was disappointed that there were only piers and not beaches. How could you be surrounded by water and not be on a beach? This beach had sand and water, but the sea grass made it difficult to swim, according to the hotel manager. My daughter had to put me in check, “Mom, you are complaining about being in a wonderful resort facing the water? You are complaining about the furnishings that are nicer than most people’s homes?”
Here I was, privileged to even travel internationally after a year and a half of a pandemic seize and I was complaining about not having a private beach. Maybe I was just as bad as those two White guys. We were told there was a beach just four miles away – Secret Beach, and we could rent a golf cart to get there. All tourists drive the golf carts and have blue and white striped towels.
From the balcony, you could see white sand, a pier per acre, coconut trees, bougainvillea, butterflies, and birds. Pelicans were flying and diving for fish; white egrets and herons were flying in pairs and hanging out on the piers; one common Tody flycatcher flew from coconut tree to coconut tree; three mockingbirds, with one that screeched in a standoff and the other two tried their best to find food in the sand; a woodpecker pecked on a metal pole; a hummingbird hoovered on the wooden pier; and frigates soared like kites in the clouds and glided down to steal food from the pelicans or snatched up fish behind the motorboats. There were other types of birds, but it would have taken too much time to identify all of them, especially as a non-bird watcher.
Besides the abundant bird species, nature held many other treasures. There were the Cloudless Sulphur aka little yellow butterflies that nibbled off the bougainvillea at the resort and flew across the seashore every day. Though most of these butterflies were yellow, occasionally I saw a little black, white, or an orange butterfly. The ocean was many shades of blue and turquoise, with white waves crashing on the barrier reef. The breeze was just right, not too cool, and not too warm.
Amanda chose the chicken wings our first night at the resort while we watched one of the local bands with a mother and daughter pair dancing to the Caribbean beat. The next day, Amanda recorded the following in her journal -
“I am on a pier, it's around 6am and I am in San Pedro, Belize... like for real. Current sounds of waves under my feet. The sun is rising in the sky and cumulus clouds pass by. WOW! I made it all the way out here!! This is amazing and so gorgeous! Yellow and light blue clouds to my left led by a bright shiny yellow sun, and endless water below. Back to the sky, enveloped in clouds- at their base the clouds are a deep blue and as they balloon and mushroom higher in the sky, they become a brilliant white. The sky does the same- at its base, I'd say it's almost grayish and as my eyes rise where the clouds are, it turns into a baby blue. At the top of the sky is a brilliant blue...
Well, hello there-- it's a black dog. I think he is wild-- time to go. he is friendly and determined to follow me. We walk back to my room together and I promptly open and close the door, so he doesn't get in. He waits around for a while then leaves. I go back out on the patio after the dog leaves. the sounds of the waves are present, and birds chirp up high. Palm trees with the breeze flowing through them.
"Hold still- I am trying to kill you" says a bird in the water as he clenches a fish with its beak.”
We walked down the street to the Tipsy Lobster. Amanda was craving tacos and the internet sang its praises. I was amazed to see tall grass – something I have come to recognize from my time in Omaha. We were in a coastal plain with river valleys. Walking along the road was a little dangerous, even though it was just a ten-minute walk. The golf carts weren’t so bad, but the construction trucks took up the entire road as they drove by. Right before we got to the restaurant, there was a median with plants and trees. The Tipsy Lobster was an outdoor restaurant with round plastic tables and chairs and umbrellas. The waitress immediately set up two fans to help with the heat and the flies. We ordered shrimp and lobster tacos. Amanda ordered the local beer, and I had a coconut mojito. The meal and the drink were fabulous. We stopped at the café next door to buy bottled water and banana-coconut bread for breakfast the next day. The so-called grocery store at our resort was all junk food and alcohol. We ended the day with a swim in the pool. Interestingly enough, we noticed that this pool appeared to attract the White families. It had a private bar but was not near the restaurant, games, and music, where most of the people of color hung out…but this one was closest to our suite, and it was quieter. Amanda and I discussed our observations. We would not obey the norms; we would go where and when we desired. Such a strange thing to see a caste system in place without signage.
My other annoyance was a Great Kiskadee that cleaned itself on my blue and white striped towel which covered the top of the recliner. Let’s just say, I was not happy about that!! Why my chair and my towel?
Amanda started the day with the only other entry in her diary for this trip –
“I am in a 4-corner room in Ambergris Caye. I hear sounds of the ocean and the wind whipping through the palm trees. It has been a beautiful week. I am grateful to be here. It is quiet in the room. My mom is sleeping in the other. She has been studying the wildlife and nature for class during her free time. The room is decorated with flowers and scenes of the ocean- palm trees included-- scenes of the beach-- coconuts, and wicker furniture. I am sitting on the carpet on the floor scribing. The ocean is directly North of our doorstep. This beach is lined with piers. It is my Birthday in 3 days. What a way to spend a birthday. 33 <3<3 It's been a delight.”
We decided to drive to Secret Beach. We rented a white golf cart though we might as well have been in an off-road Jeep or a four-wheeler. Let’s just say – the roads are rough!! Along the way, there was a stretch of red mangroves - beautiful plants growing in the bodies of water that were separated by the road. The mangroves had long, multiple roots that looked like snakes – an upside-down Medusa. We arrived at the not-so Secret Beach and were commandeered into a parking space for the Maruba Beach Klub. From there we were escorted to our chartreuse beach reclining lounge chairs. There were tables with chairs and umbrellas in the water. The waiter, Sweetie, brought over a few floaties for Amanda and I and told us to order when we were ready. We both started with ginger mojitos.
The white sand beach and the crystal warm blue water was breathtaking. We stepped over some algae and a few rocks and then walked for at least a mile in the shallow water with just sand under our feet. It was warm and wonderful. After several hours of floating on the sea, we ate at one of the tables in the water, with fish nibbling at our feet while we ate creole lobster, shrimp, and stone crab legs with another ginger mojito, of course. We stayed in this beautiful setting for four hours and came back on day six for another four hours of playing in the Caribbean Sea, drinking ginger mojitos, eating seafood, and partaking of the deadly Viper shot.
Two things happened at the end of this day that made me wonder what Colonization (impose their religion, language, economics, and other cultural practices) teaches us??? We have had two interesting interactions with White women in Belize. Two girls were sunbathing on the beach and said, “An average blonde is prettier than any brunette or any woman with brown hair” as we walked by. Amanda and I laughed. So much to say on this subject. I thought if that were the case, there would be no mixed-race people on the earth, including me. I felt sorry for them. They have no idea how that thinking will set them up for disaster in the long run. Divorce and insecurity were guaranteed. A local man screamed as much to them, one of the few people who demonstrated resentment for foreigners on his land.
Oh wait, I am divorced, and Amanda is going through one. So much for that theory… but the way men of all races reacted to Amanda contradicted these statements of these young women.
From what I could tell, most people in Belize were not color struck though they were fascinated with my daughter who has my hazel eyes. Amanda was so unassuming but gorgeous to them in every way. Her confidence and outgoing personality floated through Belize like an untouchable star. Amanda exuded Mujer Bonita like the rising scent of a rose garden. I was complimented for bringing such beauty into the world.
It made me feel old but very proud.
Sidenote - I am almost 60. When did I become the mother of? And the grandmother of? It is a blessing and yet a shock. It occurred overnight. Time flew and that is that!! I see someone in the mirror that does not feel like the person I am inside.
The other colonizing incident happened to Amanda in the supermarket. A “Karen” harassed her for not wearing a mask. Of note, no one else was wearing a mask except “Karen.” Amanda was vaccinated. My daughter was firm in letting this woman know that if the store required it, they would inform her, not “Karen”. The woman stated that she was a teacher that has lived in Belize for 30 years. I guess that meant that she was there to protect the Island because it could not speak for or protect itself.
The male nurse who administered our COVID-19 test to get out of the country said that the White women who immigrated to Belize helped to feed them during the pandemic. In the same breath, he discussed the “ugly American” scenarios that threaten not only their way of life but their physical lives. We tried our best not to be ugly Americans but maybe we were. Once the country opened up, the COVID rates did increase. Maybe “Karen” was right to defend. Maybe culturally, a “Karen” is needed, not just the beautiful and the polite.
Our fourth day was a rest day. I cooked salmon, with black-eyed peas, and rice. I spent the rest of the day watching the pelicans, egrets, and frigates. Amanda napped. Though my daughter is a mother, I think she needed to be just a daughter and a friend for the week. Divorce, parenting, depression, finding your way and your purpose, hating your job, racism, and dating post-divorce are the things that we discussed, yet I had no answers. After twenty-one years of marriage and sixteen years post-divorce, I am still learning.
But what I did know is that she needed respite from the everyday. I remembered the importance of those opportunities with my friends. Time to be me, time to be you…How much more important was this during a pandemic?
Day five was a pool day, with leftovers for lunch and curried chicken for dinner at the hotel. That darn bird returned but I made sure my towel was not part of its perch. We continued to discuss racism because we were still experiencing micro-aggressions at the pool from our “White American friends”, but we continued to discuss our upbringing, religion, parenting styles of myself versus her father (my ex-husband), her siblings (my children) – just how we got to where we are in this life and where we hope to go…
My goal was not to judge, just listen. Our views are not the same though our decisions and opportunities have experienced the same crossroads.
On the sixth day, we went to Café Sol for breakfast and our favorite little restaurant Tipsy for lunch for Jerk Lobster. Our time at Secret Beach in the afternoon consisted of watching the pelicans soar over the water just a few feet from our heads. As we were heading out, Amanda requested that we take a Viper shot of 46-year-old tequila from a bottle with a beautiful, preserved, white snake with its fangs showing at the bottom of it. It took a couple of hours to recover from that ritual – dipping the tip of my finger in the shot, having it lit on fire, swallowing the flame, biting the sugared pineapple, while not breathing before taking the shot. My finger was still on fire. The waiter had to put it out. I felt that I was still actually breathing the fire out of my throat like a dragon and had to be reassured that it was not the case. Amanda laughed so hysterically that she was unable to record the craziness. What I do for the love of my children…
Madonna continues to croon…
I prayed that the days would last
They went so fast
I want to be where the sun warms the sky
When it's time for siesta you can watch them go by
Beautiful faces, no cares in this world
Amanda’s birthday was on day seven. Mani-pedi and a massage for both of us – Amanda’s treat. So nice to travel with a grown-up. Go 33!!
The women who worked in the spa told us that the government did give them up to $300 a month worth of food during the pandemic. The single mother received an additional $300 per month. The other young lady and her father had to live off their savings. For some time, San Pedro was isolated. There were no flights nor ferries to the mainland. People had to stay in their homes. Many Belizeans had started receiving the vaccination. While we were there, laws and fines were in place to encourage mask wearing and distancing. As tourists, we were not briefed on what was expected. All but “Karen” were too polite.
We checked out of Captain Morgan’s and jumped into a cab. The driver was a former employee of Captain Morgan’s but was laid off due to the pandemic. The hotel threw business his way whenever possible. His family members were farmers. The cab driver stated that he makes money, sends it back, and visits at least once a month. We were dropped off at our new destination for the next few days. Closer to town, Isla Bonita Yacht Club had white, stucco two-story units, beautiful courtyard gardens, and a pool overlooking the Caribbean Sea. In the garden were coconut palms, all types of flowering trees and bushes, and dragonflies (a sign of rebirth) flying around. Two Great Kiskadee birds were there on the white lounge chairs by the pool to greet us.
We put our bags down and walked along the beach to Elvi’s Restaurant in town. We asked around for directions from locals who had never eaten at Elvi’s. One guy pointed us in the right direction but kept calling the restaurant Elvis. The restaurant was clean and nicely appointed with sand floors. We did have to close our windows to keep out a swarm of bugs that appeared determined to only bother Amanda and me. But…. I have to say that I had the best fried fish in my entire life there!! Amanda had their fried chicken…fowl is her favorite, only matched by her love for bottom feeders.
Day eight, we got up early and had breakfast at Estelle’s on the Sea. The waiter sat us outside and assured us the mosquitos were not as bad there and that my repellant, which he could smell, should help. Not sure how I felt about that statement. We ordered fresh watermelon juice and coffee for me, fresh mango juice for Amanda and shared a steak and chorizo burrito. (There was no such thing as decaf on most of the Caye).
Two guys looking for dates sat at the table next to us. I advised them to check out Secret Beach. We found out one of them was a BBQ guy out of New Jersey. I told him about my friend Adrian Miller and his latest book Black Smoke. I also informed him that it was BBQ Day at Estelle’s and that he should come back later. Most of the BBQ in the San Pedro is served on Saturday and though the BBQ smelled incredible the day before, we decided to wait for the best. The guy from NJ took time out to speak with the owner, looked at all the grills (meat, seafood, etc.), and gave some BBQ advice. It sounded like he would be back for the BBQ competition in February. Goals!!!
Amanda and I walked back along the beach to a group that solicited us the day before for snorkeling. There were two other women who signed up. Both were judges from Guatemala, who wanted to go snorkeling at noon. Perfect!! We would be on the boat for two hours and get back in time to grab our BBQ from Estelle’s!!
Blinky, our Captain, was short, dark, and average but he was full of flirt, especially for the one of the judges. By the time we arrived at Hol Chan, even the coast guards were in on the fun and flirting like crazy. Blinky explained that the Marine Reserve was like an office – “Don’t touch anything no matter how cute it is! Our goal is to preserve the marine life here.” We swam past tarpon (million-dollar fish according to Blinky), marine turtles (green sea and hawksbill), manta rays, nurse sharks, a green moray eel, schools of grouper, schools of juvenile fish, barracudas, and a couple of blue tang fish. The wall of coral was audacious. Nothing in Vegas can compete with nature. It was beautiful.
The sea grass was a little overwhelming toward the end, but I made it back to the boat in one piece. Our little foursome made one more stop and that was to swim with a group of nurse sharks. I was too exhausted to get back into the water but took lots of pictures. I asked if I could pet them, and the answer from Blinky was, “You see I am feeding them, right? What do you think will happen to your hand?” The ride back to the shore was surreal – seeing the floor of the sea the whole time. Sea colors that I witnessed from the balcony of the hotel – emerald, turquoise, and navy blue – were just as vibrant up close. I was saddened that the trip had to come to an end but was excited to eat the BBQ we had ordered earlier in the day.
Thank goodness we ordered our BBQ in advance. The restaurant was closing except to serve drinks. Amanda had ordered the brisket, potato salad, and beans and rice for me, and ribs, coleslaw, and baked beans for her. She ordered a daiquiri, and I had their coconut mojito (stronger than Secret Beach and not as sweet).
The restaurant had one lobster left in the tank that they had not cooked. To our surprise the owner treated us to a whole fried lobster. He also treated us to fried smoked chicken gizzards and smoked coconut. We were in seventh heaven save the swarm of pests that were determined to take over our late lunch/early dinner. It was the perfect ending to a day. A perfect last day to our vacation.
Day nine – it was time to say goodbye. The sand, fish, birds, sun, sea, flora, and fauna from this region were now a part of Amanda and me. The cycle of life was in everything we did during our vacation. I watched the birds eat the fish, the butterflies, and the bugs. The bugs ate us and our food incessantly. We ate fowl, fish, and bottom feeders. Bottom feeders ingested every type of waste off the ocean floor. And who knows what the snake ate? Yet his cells and potentially that of mice that he devoured almost half a century ago were part of our drinks.
Amanda and I had an incredible time. It was her second trip to Belize. She journaled, read, swam, rested, and smiled. Her 33rd year of life had started off in idyllic fashion. Her bucket list item of traveling internationally with her mom (me) was fulfilled. And something I did not know I needed occurred– I had time alone with my mija bonita. Mother-daughter trip – check. Time with my forever friend.
I think Jamaica Kincaid would concur that the people of San Pedro are living their ordinary, extraordinary lives. For Amanda and me, it was paradise. We got away and had rest and relaxation in an exotic and beautiful place. We were able to share as mother and daughter and as two grown women with two very different life choices ahead…or so I thought. We are twenty-five years apart. She is divorcing at thirty-three. I divorced at forty-two. She has a five-year old. I had three children – one freshman in college, and one senior and one sophomore in high school. But we both divorced to be free of broken promises in supporting us as mothers, friends, and lovers. Our timing and perception of self-sacrifice is often judged by others and even by each other. Did I wait too long? Did she leave too soon? Are we just right based on who we are?
The people in Belize were demographically the same as the U.S. – indigenous, descended from enslaved ancestors, immigrants, and a mixture. The Belizeans were working hard, of course, and have been trying to overcome a pandemic that drastically impacted their economy and way of life. Tourism, farming, and preservation of the Barrier Reef are interdependent for them as a nation, for better or worse. We benefitted from that interdependence.
I thank them for sharing their ordinary/extraordinary lives and making my time with Amanda extraordinary in every way. We grew in our understanding of each other and our interdependence with the past, present, and future.
This article was originally published Spoken Black Girl - March 27, 2024
